Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
