"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
