im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
