I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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