Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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