she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
