you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
