Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
