my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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