We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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