Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
