Jerry, you need to find god
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Everyone says I win the strip club
my poor anus
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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