Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
