sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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