Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
