i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
