I feel like abortions should bother me more
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
