You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
