6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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