what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Rumble strips road head = magical
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
