i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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