Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
