There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just high enough for therapy.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
