maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
