Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
