Im at strip club and am horny
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My pussy is not your playground.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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