Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
