This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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