Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
