if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
