While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
