So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
When are your genitals available?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
