Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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