i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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