so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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