i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
