so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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