Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
