I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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