At least make sure they are 18
Why
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
