im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
