just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Randomize
