i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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