This dress was meant to end up on your floor
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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