she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
