So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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