and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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