i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
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