maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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