Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
