I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.