Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Randomize
Follow @tfln