my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.