Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction