i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.