K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life