I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
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yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
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I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions