I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
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Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize