Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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