There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Randomize
