but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
