Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
