why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
