Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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