i wish my penis had a tongue
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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