he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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