i don't like sucking hair
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
