Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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