your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just pee around me
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
