My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
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Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!