If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.