New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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