Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.