All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
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I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
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He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.