and my herpes radar will keep us safe
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"