i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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