Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
