Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
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I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
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WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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