I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
