Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
